Evince Magazine

(September 2009)

She Said

Are you related to a kangaroo somewhere down the line?
You cram so much "stuff" in your pockets that you bulge
in all directions and then you ask me to get out my
trusty sewing machine and fix your torn pockets like
new again. It's impossible to sew on fabric that doesn't
exist. You probably carry four heavy chains of keys
(and I bet you don't even know what some of them go to),
a trifold wallet ( I've bought you billfold ones that
don't get so fat but you conveniently lose them) receipts
from years past (can't throw anything away), calling cards
that could be filed elsewhere for easier reference, candy,
comb, two cell phones, glasses, chewing gum, and a variety
of pens. Meanwhile, you ask me to put a few things in my
purse for you such as extra glasses, drink packets, Advil,
hand sanitizer, stain remover, lint brush, and camera.
So here we come down the street with me following ten
steps behind you like Attila the Hun with my backpack
so laden with "stuff" that I can hardly walk.
I have two words for you...man purse.


He Said

I should talk about all the junk you carry in your handbag.
But I won't. I am too much of a gentleman.
If I did have a bag like yours , that weighs over 75 lbs,
you would never have to fix another pocket for
my pants. As it is today in our small city, most men are
carrying a wallet, bi-fold or tri-fold, not a man purse ,
and only carry the essential items including money to
buy you dinner each night and to pay for anything we do on a date.

I could carry my personal items in my glove box in my car
and change it out if I drive my other car or we take your car,
or we ride in our friends car to go out to eat.(with money
kept in my wallet). Now that I realize that the THREE times
in ten years that I have ask you to sew up my pockets has
been an extreme hardship on your daily life, I will do my
best to avoid asking you to do such a difficult and time
consuming job ever again.
I guess I could ask my mother to sew them up, who I might
add never complained one time, and always welcomed her son
with open arms whenever he needed a helping hand in any situation.
Yes , I agree you are not my mom, but don't you think
that every man is looking for a woman who treats her man
like his mother treated him? Maybe it is just me and you
are probably right that I took advantage of you on this
“sewing my pocket thing”. Next time just remind me to
give them to my Mother.
Did I happen to mention she never complains?