Evince Magazine

(May 2009)

She Said

Let's talk about the art of arguing. No, that's not
an oxymoron like the former Elon College athletes:
the Fighting Christians. There is an art to arguing
or disagreeing. The first rule is to stick to the
problem at hand. You always dig into the deepest
recesses of your mind to conjure up conflicts we
had ten years ago which are hardly relevant to the
problem at hand. You complain constantly about all
of the projects that I like to do and at the same
time you'll chide me about how I'm turning into my 
mother because she didn't like to cook, clean, or
do laundry. You've never heard me complain about
those chores; what I complain about is that you
won't give me time to do them. You'll tell me how
much I spoil my kids and in the same breath, you'll
complain about having to drive both ways to
Greensboro to visit your family. Duh?! Stick to
the subject. Let's finish talking about my kids
first and then move on to something else. If you
want to complain about the fact that I have school
work or housework to do instead of sitting on the
sofa holding hands, then let's hear it. But in the
middle of the sentence, you'll casually throw in
"and by the way, why did you let your son park in
the driveway knowing you would have to move his car
in the morning and if I park there at the wrong time,
you fuss at me. Why don't you ever fuss at him...?
Why can't you treat me the same way you treat him?"
Do you see how you go off on a tangent and veer
from the subject at hand? There is no need to bring
up past grievances. Speak your peace and move on.
I'm a big girl and I can take it. Besides, the
shorter our arguments are, the quicker we can
get to kissing and making up.



He Said

I believe I counted ten different subjects in
your ranting....Arguing, Elon College, ten year
old conflicts, projects, your mother, chores,
spoiling kids, driving to Greensboro, my mother,
fussing at your kids.
Where does a man even begin? First of all , I
never even knew we argued or fussed. I view frank
discussions about all subjects fair game and just
opinions. Sometimes we agree and sometimes we
disagree. Children have never been a problem
for me. Your double standards on the other hand has
been subject for discussion a couple of times. I
only suggest that everyone in the house be treated the
same. All rules should apply equally. Since all
your children are grown, I assume that house rules
apply to everyone, not just for three year olds.
If I use a case history from yesterday or ten years
ago it is not to bring up an old subject, but to apply
that situation with a current situation since the
former situation was resolved. This might just be
the old “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”
argument all over again. I have never complained
about projects or housework, and I certainly have
never compared you with your mother. That would be
grounds for dismissal I am sure. I think most of
the time I am saying one thing and you are hearing
something else.
As a matter of fact, I would not be surprised that
after reading my answer, your assumption would be
after reading this, that I was talking about Rocket
Science, not relationships. Not changing the subject
but could we get back to that kissing and making up thing.

Just exactly what all would that involve?